Thursday, January 10, 2008

More High Pitched than High!

Dear Roommate, 

Not sure if this makes you a dick or just a straight up retard, but THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING AS NITROUS!! When you said you could "hook it up" and you only needed $10 bucks from me, I shoulda known. Judging by this incident its probably best you screwed this one up, you need all the brain cells you can hold onto. 


Dear Former Roommate,

I'd like to clear my conscience with a confessional. When we lived together, it was the late 90's. There was no website like this for us to turn to...otherwise I'm sure that we would have. Unfortunately, digital photography was in it's infancy and we were poor college students with no cameras, so the picture is a recreation.

I remember how you kept house...clean when sex was on the line (sex for you anyway). When it was on the line, it was like a hospital. When it wasn't...well we had some phantom odors on occasion. When it was bad enough, in home or car, you would clean it to get rid of as you'd say "ass smell". Usually the rotting garbage in your car would get your attention on a weekly basis. Sometimes, the apartment wouldn't get your attention as easily.

When I couldn't get you to clean the house, I decided to take matters in my own hands. The recipe from what I recall was the following: 1. Pour 1-2 capfuls of milk between garbage can and liner. 2. wait several days.
In those several days, I watched in amazement as you sterilized all that was violated only days before.

All good things come to an end. You discovered the source of the "ass smell". I don't know if it was confusion or confrontation, but when you asked if I had an idea of what caused that odor, I bit my lip hard enough to bleed in an effort to keep from laughing.

I apologize for my dick ways. I hope in some way, that I've reformed...for the sake of my current roommate - my wife.

Formerly Dickly but still friends...

Saint Dick

Dear Roommate, 

Remember that day we were all psyched about finally restocking our bar. Yeah that was awesome! 
Sooo...what the f*ck happened between December 24th and December 25th? I was gone one day!
Thanks for the Christmas gift, asshole.

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