Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Posted by hi at 9:50 AM
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 9:51 PM
Monday, August 9, 2010
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:44 PM
Monday, August 2, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I used to be an atheist but since meeting you I have been forced to believe in
God because you are the fuc*ing devil. In the unfortunate year I have lived with
your ass, you have threatened to kill me, threatened to burn down our house,
threatened to steal all of my shit (a lot of which you have stolen), threatened
to sleep with my boyfriend and threatened to move out (at LEAST 6 times.)
Important here is the word "threatened" because your bitch ass would never do
any of these things; especially the last, because even though your parents pay
your rent (because you are unemployed and have failed out of two colleges) your own parents have refused to let you move back in with them. They'd rather pay to keep you away.
By the way, I've been lying about how much our rent is every month. Figured your mom and dad could spare the extra $50. The way I see it, it covers all of the cleaning I have to do to make this house bearable. The smell that comes from your room has actually made me throw up. Twice.
Exhibit A: Our bathroom sink, the day after I cleaned the bathroom.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 5:02 PM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Dear Singing Dick Roommate,
NO ONE wants to hear you sing! You are an emo piece of sh*t. Your "lyrics" are lame and confirm what a fuc*ing loser you are. Get a life and grow some balls.
Your Roommate who is plotting your rapidly approaching death.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:50 AM
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Clean up your damn douche-city. It's the one by your bed. And stop bitching about not "having any clean coffee mugs." I just found you one. Don't wanna clean? Hire a maid-oh, wait, you'd need a job that actually pays.
Signed, Yours Truly,
The Useful Roommate
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:33 PM
Yet again you have screwed me over. I thought I was done with you finally, but you have somehow managed to come back. With what, you may ask?
Oh come on guess, it's not that hard.
Ok, you dumb fuck, you have succeeded in BOUNCING another check. This is the 5th. 5 out of 8 checks! That's more than half.
More than half.
Are you fucking stupid? Do you think that there's imaginary money in your back account? You sat over there at the other house bitching about cable and internet. I bounced one single check. One in my entire life, and you have the audacity to bitch and moan about it. I am positively sure now the 5 you have bounced here were not your first.
You think its okay to stiff all 5 of us by not paying rent for February, and moving out on the 5th. Let's play the common sense game. Don't worry, I'll spell it out for you:
Yes, I agree with you - for once - that I said that if you pay first month and security I would let you have the 3rd month free. This was okay because you told me and everyone else that you were only staying that long. I knew exactly when I would have to come up with the other 340 dollars. Then you decided to stay. That's where your free month stopped being part of the deal. You said you were staying for the whole time, meaning June, since that's when we signed the lease until. Are you an idiot? You can't just move out without giving notice when you had made further plans to stay until June. No one knew you were moving out until Feb 4th. (DEFINITION OF NOTICE: Not the 4th day into the month you are already late paying for. Simple enough for you?)
OF course you decided to come Feb 5th to move your shit out, and of course I wasn't here to make sure you knew exactly how much you owed me. Not to mention you let that stupid cunt bitch of a whore *Gina into my house. (Yes, Gina, I called you a cunt. I'm not planning on getting back in your good graces, so I don't really care if you still hold that against me two years later. Sometimes, there just isn't a better word.)
Oh, and your room. Your messy, smelly fucking, shitty paint job of a room. Are you a fucking schizo? Two different ugly colors? Why would you paint your room like that? Why would you attempt to paint your room at all? You suck at it. Yes, you smell like shit. Soap and water, it's not a hard concept, so wash your feet. The mess you left was just ridiculous. Your nasty period blood on the sheets, crap all over the floor, the paint job of course, and your smell. Just gross. Actually, it kind of reminded me of your mouth.
While cleaning up the mess that wasn't mine I discovered you were a klepto. Not really surprising after everything else. *Cara's make-up that you told her you didn't have was lying behind the dresser. The spaghetti spoon *Melissa and I bought and have been looking for was lying under the futon with that ugly red paint all over the handle. WHY WOULD YOU STIR PAINT WITH A KITCHEN UTENSIL? Why would you ruin something that wasn't yours? Who taught you to be so incredibly inconsiderate? Seriously. Did you have a nice little giggle when your first grade mindset gave you the idea to hide it under the bed?
Anyway. The moral of this story is you owe me another $350 dollars for the 5th bounced check. In cash. I feel like I have to explain that, since I'm not the retarded one here. By Friday. This Friday. I don't want to see your face, so just leave it under the "LEAVE" mat in front of our door, then do what the mat says.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of owed money, start saving up for your portion of the heat bill. You better believe we're going to have you sign something that guarantees your cheap ass is going to chip in for that.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:26 PM
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Grow the fu*k up and gain some maturity so that when my friends come over to visit and need a place to sit, you stop tying your chair to the desk. Why did you tie it with thread? WHY THREAD!? If I was that fucking stupid I would at least use rope or something substantial to make me use a bit of effort to regain access to the chair. And your intense paranoia that I'm going to steal your shit is getting old too. Who did I catch stealing my books, clothes, and condoms? Yes douche bag, it was you. But somehow you felt it was necessary to not so strategically place pieces of tapes on all your drawers and closet? Seriously? Rot in hell thieving dick.
Hugs and Kisses,
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:38 PM
Ahh, where do I begin? Let's start with when we met, and you were 10s of thousands of dollars in debt. I decided to be cool and invite you out, even offering to pay for your drinks. Yes, I'm awesome. Or how about the dozens of times that you asked to borrow money? Hell, why not? I'm a responsible adult with a job....and you...well, you're you. I definitely appreciate all of the times that I bought weed, and you smoked as much as you could, and never offered to pay anything. Not to mention all of the times that you stole it from me, and then on the rare occasions when you bought for yourself, never offered to share. I'll leave out all of the filth you leave all over the f**king place, since you're apparently too fucking stupid to clean anything. I love the fact that you buy the absolute cheapest sh*t you can find for the house...the paper towels that couldn't clean up mouse piss with an entire roll, the trashbags that tear if you put anything in them that weighs more than 4 ounces, or the awesome puerto rican food that smells like rice mixed with dog sh*t. By far, the best part is having your disgustingly hideous girlfriend living in the house for the past 3 months, and saying that she is going to pay part of the utilities. Damn right she's paying part of the utilities....MY part, since I'm not giving you any money for this month or last. I and my girlfriend don't work our asses off to support you and yours, especially when yours hasn't had a job since you met her. The creepiest thing....your "girl"friend looks exactly like you...only more ugly, and with smaller tits. 10 more days, and I will have absolutely no contact with you ever again, unless it's to beat your ass and collect a check. By the way, you can say that you used to do muay thai all you want, but we all know that you're one lip away from being a 5'10" vagina.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:26 PM
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Thank you for leaving all your f*cking garbage all over your room and bailing on the rent for this month. I truly appreciate it. I also appreciate the fact that you decided you're not going to be paying rent for the next few months (ok then get the hell out!) and went to another effing city before saying you won't be coming back for your crap, leaving your crap laying around, and of course, leaving the fantastic bottle of lotion and balled up kleenex (circled) for me to clean up. F*cking sick. Who the hell does that? Seriously! walking into your room was like walking into a pile of stale sweaty laundry. open a damn window if you're going to stay locked in your room playing WoW all day, and take a freaking shower. My god.
your (former) roommate
Posted by hi at 2:07 PM
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Thanks for the unique opportunity to share an apartment with you. How could I imagine that all your stuff you first put down when we moved in, was really where you wanted it to be....
How could I also imagine that you would blame me for trying to have a clean/organized apartment? What was I thinking???
Besides that, I can only be happy when you point out to me that I didn't do *YOUR* dishes...shame on me, of course...
Posted by hi at 2:22 PM
Dear Roommate, (aka "angry face" as everyone calls you behind your back)
What is the point of stockpiling all your food in your own room when theres a kitchen? We don't eat your stuff because we know what a bitch you'd be about it, and hell, half the time you eat our shit. Stop being such a paranoid, selfish, glutton and maybe people would stop hating you for being a self centered prick.
P.S. It may not seem like it but, everyone hates you. Everyone.
Posted by hi at 2:17 PM
Monday, March 31, 2008
Those cleaning products I installed in the bathroom? That was a hint for you to clean the fucker! You don't flush, which is bad enough, but why is there dried toothpaste up the shower walls and splattered all over the roller blind? I also put soap and a fresh white towel in there with the hope that you would wash. You obviously took the hint, the towel is now black. Furthermore, whenever you open your bedroom door, everyone wants to throw up from the smell. It looks like a bomb dropped in there. You haven't washed your bedding since we moved in, in September (its now march), and you only washed your clothes when i told you it was vile to sleep in them then wear them for class. That stupid turmeric powder has stained everything in the kitchen yellow, there is sugar and coffee encrusted onto the counter and rice in the sink. and why dont you just go shopping instead of eating MY food?! And yes, we all LOVE to hear you jumping around the kitchen singing Savage Garden at all hours of the day. Good luck with the music career you so wish to pursue. You sound like a strangled cat. We know you study fine art, but surely theres no need to cover every available surface in various shades of the rainbow. Thats right, in case you hadn't noticed, our house is not a canvas and theres paint over every fucking thing. Finally... we do not appreciate you telling us how gorgeous you are. Hate to break it to you but your an ugly bitch with a fat ass and WAY too much body hair, and why does nothing you wear ever match? You think you could be a model?! Your 23 years old, stop acting like a damn child. Stop staring at your ugly self in every reflective surface and taking photos of yourself. Here is a picture of you. I'm sure plenty of modelling agencies will be wanting to snap you up now. You complete and utter dick.
Posted by hi at 2:24 PM
Showing you the "My Roommate is a Dick" website was so you'd get the HINT! The house smells like your dirty dishes and your dog's piss! Also Do Your Fucking Dishes! And just because I let you use my gravy mix twice, does not mean that you can use all but one serving! And while you are at it, DO NOT CALL ME INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU ARE NAKED BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN IN GROWN HAIR ON YOUR BOOB!
YOU CRAZY PYSCHO BITCH YOU ARE NASTY,
Posted by hi at 2:18 PM
Ya know its bad enough I forbid you from using my pots and pans because you leave them in the sink for weeks at a time but now you won't clean the diahrea splatter on the underside of the toilet seat, from your recent F%&k budy that came to visit last weekend... I hope your boyfriend finds out you are cheating on him well as a matter of fact I think a little birdy may have already told him.... Grow up! Your 25 and you act like your 12. Oh no do I see another tantrum coming?!!!!
Waaa Waaaa Waaa
P.S your new nickname is Dirty Sanchez and I am telling everyone till you clean up your crap!
Posted by hi at 2:12 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
When I said I would split groceries with you, I didn't think it would include the box of condoms. Not only that, you put your initials on 6 of em. What the fuck is that all about. At least be happy one of us in the house is getting laid you cheap f*ck.
Posted by hi at 2:28 PM