Friday, November 9, 2007

When Roommates Attack...

Dicks Beware!! This was in the news today...

A roommate fight over a power bill ended with one roommate, a female University student, being arrested by ACC Police and charged with battery.

Elyse McGregor told police she was arguing with her roommate about a power bill and became very angry, yelling and slamming doors. The roommate told police their other roommate stepped between them and McGregor attacked by punching, then clawing at her face.

Management told police they will seek to evict McGregor because she also has a boyfriend living with her who is not on the lease.

BUNK BEDS BITE

Dear Roommate,


Sharing a dorm room with you sucks! We have bunk beds! Stop having boys over and not telling me. I would rather sleep on the futon than listen to you screwing 5 feet above me. Also, please stop barging in at night drunk and pulling the covers off of me and my boyfriend. It’s not funny.

Sincerely,
              I’d rather live in hell.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Patriots Tight End

Dear Roommate,


Yes we were all excited about the Patriots beating the Colts last Sunday, yet I didn't feel the need to get completely hammered and rip my clothes off in celebration. While I'm used to your retardedly drunken antics, my co-workers were definitely not. Maybe me posting this picture for the world to see will finally make you realize what a DICK you really are. It just might be time to stop boozing! 

A Very Shagadelic Dick

Dear Roommate,

Yes, you might make a lot of money selling your weed, but after one of your 'buddies' got arrested for sexual assault i think its time to stop bringing over people that make me feel like I'm in the ghetto. Your plea's that your going to stop having sex with every guy that looks your way is starting to sound like a broken record and frankly, I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. But go ahead, hang your hippie bead from the doorways and buy those shagadelic rugs to put on the walls, because YOU, my stoner sexahaulic hippie roommate, are a DICK!!!!!

An Un-Environmental Dick

Dear Roommates,


Is it that hard to turn off the light in kitchen when you go to sleep, or the TV for that matter. Do you really need to set the A/C to 61 degrees? I spend 98% of my time at my girlfriend's apartment and almost never sleep here, yet the utility bill is $380.40! I stopped by the apartment when you were all gone for the weekend and every light was on, the TV was still on and the A/C was freezing.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

THIS WEEK'S "YOU WRITE THE LETTER" WINNER!!

Dear Roommate,

I know how mistletoe works, but what do I get if I stand under this...herpes?

Clean up the apartment!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Someone's Not Preggers

Dear Roommate,

You got your period! Congrats! You’re officially a woman! Now could you please stop leaving your blood-residue streaked towels in the bathroom? No one wants to see that shit!

With Love and Midol,

Roomie

A Striking Dick

Dear Roommate,

I don't give a f*ck if you're on strike or not, you're not bringing your "movement" into our apartment. Start cleaning this place up!! You should have plenty of time now.

Monday, November 5, 2007

A Crabby Dick

Dear Roommate,

Just to make sure I got this straight. You had a hooker over, had sex on our futon, BROKE IT, and now you refuse to pay for a new one. No, I was not planning to get rid of it anyway! But thank you for fighting the good fight and buying crab shampoo. How can I thank you enough? You’re a dick.

Deep Throat Dick

Dear Roommate,

Why did you try to give your boyfriend head in the back of MY car when you were drunk? You know you have no gag reflex control! It’s disgusting!

P.S Please don't try and pull the old "he's huge" excuse. You know we both dated him. HE'S TINY!! 

Sunday, November 4, 2007

An Itchy Dick

Dear Roommate,

I understand that you have dry scalp and your head gets itchy, but how about you use some Head and Shoulders? Your hair is falling out and gets all over my shit. Not only is it nasty, but it looks like your vagina sneezed pubes all over our room.

P.S Maybe this bottle I've left in the bathroom will give you the hint!

 
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