I always explain to people that living with you is like living with the king of the world. You can do no wrong and everything and I mean EVERYTHING is all about you.
I remember that I moved in while you were unemployed and piled up a debt of over $2000. Being the 15 year friend that I am, I told you that there was no debt and to buy yourself a car. WHERE IS YOUR CAR DUDE!? This is also AFTER my parents paid for your legal services to keep you from jail time.
Now I'm unemployed and you have use of MY car. Under the 1 and only 1 condition (not even keep the car clean) that you CALL me when your going to be late in case I need the car or to make plans. This is the 5th fucking time you are more than 3 hours late. I needed the car HOURS ago for an EMERGENCY dental appointment (ow, and FUCK). Good thing I have a couple decent friends, one of them got me there. I really hope your OK (and my car also) but if your not, I may beat your ass anyway. I tried calling you on your phone but you left it here.
I think to start with there will be some car restrictions: You will not drive it. I will drive you. $10 ride to work and $20 ride from work. In the rare case that I cannot do this, I feel its reasonable to charge you $100 if your more than 1 hr late without a call. PER TIME. Or get your own fucking car.
On the list of not cool things you have done is get extremely drunk at the bar we were at and when I felt it was time to go. You refused. So I asked my friends to give you a ride home. So after you get home you decide to kick in my door (doors still broken) and when I barricaded it (with my sofa) you decided to turn off every breaker in the house. (IT WAS COLD THAT NIGHT) because I didn't leave when you wanted to.This is only one "for instance" PLEASE DO NOT DRINK ANY MORE (or bug me about my drinking, you have no right)
PS I don't have a picture of my car because its NOT THERE!
I'm sick of you leaving your shit all over the place, and not paying me back when I pay your electric bill. And drinking my beer. And hitting on my girlfriend when you're drunk. I've had enough. I'm taking a stand. This site is dedicated to you and the millions of other dick roommates around the world.