Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Dick Mitten

Dear Roommate, 

Listen we share a dorm room and I could clearly hear you jerking off last night. What was more revolting, though, was waking up this morning and finding this "thing" and realizing you were drilling a RUBBER VAGINA! 

I may never sleep soundly in this room again. 


Monday, January 21, 2008


Dear Roommate, 

You love video games, I get it. This is a little ridiculous, though. Can you please explain why we're home to the "video game museum." I mean, really? What the F*ck is a Dreamcast? Its bad enough having a veritable jungle of wires and consoles scattered across our apartment, but HALF OF 'EM DON'T EVEN WORK. How do I know? I hear you "blowing" in the nintendo cartridges and watch you hit reset a thousand times on every cd based system. You wanna know the worst part -- and it's not telling girls "there not mine" like it's some sort of dirty porn -- it's watching my parents eyes drift to the mountain of video games as I explain that I may be flunking accounting. Long story short, they no longer pay for my tutor ( they think the money is going somewhere else). 

PS. I'm using this same photo to post all your shit on e-bay. Thanks for paying for my tutor.

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