A Crappy DIck

Dear Shitmonster,

You shit all the time! Guess how I know? The trash can is filled with toilet paper rolls. You claim to use none of it, but the evidence points otherwise! Why lie? Either shit less or start coughing up some money for the toilet paper. I suggest laying off the oatmeal and coffee.

Vincent Van Dick

Dear Roommate,

Just because you paid $70 bucks for this DOESN'T make it Art. I get it, you like smoking weed, now put it back in the closet!

Besides, this nice bong doesn't make up for your small dick.

- Tom