DICK OF THE WEEK!!! A Possessive Dick

Dear Roommate,

OK, I get it...the red bull and margarita mix is MINE, and the rest is YOURS. You don't have to be a dick about it.

Good, Good, Vibrations

Dear Roommate,

Oh my god! Oh my god! What were you possibly thinking?? Did it really seem alright for you to clean "that" in there. You are a filthy human being. You're buying us all new plates and silverware!! I mean...FILTHY!!

This Bitch is a Dick

Dear Roomate,

Thanks for letting your dog eat my $210 shoes. Bitch.

Smokey the Bear says your roommate is a dick

Dear Roommate,

3:30 am + smoke machine + yelling fire = one dick roommate.

BTW - I blew my interview. Good luck getting my rent.

Dick Diesel

Dear Roommate,

Puh-lease stop flexing everytime you take a photo with our crew. We get it. You go to the gym. We're all really impressed. I'm gonna start photoshopping you out if you don't stop.

DICK ROOMMATE HALL OF FAME: An Untidy Whitey

Dear Roommate,

Get a job. All you do is play videogames in your underwear. I don't care if you are my brother. I'm telling mom.

Your Brother.

A "BOUNTY" OF DICKS

Dear (soon to be) Ex-Roommate,

There's a certain amount of laziness that I can deal with. Dishes in the sink… fine. Forgetting to replace the toilet paper… it happens. Even leaving your moldy food in the fridge… it was pushed all the way in the back. But what I cannot and will not stand for is the complete lack of consideration for others as well as the blatant disregard for what is known as common human decency! Who does this?!!! If I had to choose something to sum up our entire relationship as friends and roommates, it would have to be this photograph. You knew it was wrong yet you continued to tear and tear even though you could have gone back at any moment to remedy the situation. Good luck in your new apartment and your new life. Just know that I won't be there to straighten out your messes any longer.

A "trying to get you assaulted by random foreign guy" Dick

Dear Roommate,

Listing the apartment on Airbnb without my permission, then informing me that a strange man would be coming into the house while you were out of town, was absolutely not cool. I'm in a foreign country, can't speak the language very well, and am female in a society where this is a distinct disadvantage. 

REALLY not cool.

I can't wait to report your ass to the landlord. 

-Anonymous

Thank God He Didn't Leave His Dog

Dear Roommate,

Thanks for watering the plant while I was away on Christmas vacation.