Friday, November 16, 2007

And the Award for Angriest Roommate goes to...

My room mate is an psuedo accountant bitch who thinks she is Jesus (Their supplied title)

Dear Roommate,

Thank you again for deciding that we won't pay rent month to month. Thanks for making the choice that instead of paying monthly you will pay the first 2 months ahead of time and just fucking let me pay two entire months rent by myself. Because lets face it, a 21 year old male loves to fucking stare at money in his account he can't touch because you're too fucking stupid to budget it yourself.

I really appreciate that. Hey also, you know how you and your boyfriend are long distance for the last year and you think that makes you fucking Zeus? Well fuck off, your long distance because no one can fucking stand you more then 2 days. How do I know? Ever notice how when he comes down he fucking stops talking to you Sunday afternoon and comesto kick it with me? Its not my Xbox 360 you bitch, its just that hehates you.

Remember those little fucking flower lights you put over MY entertainment stand that houses MY HDTV, MY Xbox 360, MY media PC, MY wii, MY stereo? Ya well get this: There only fucking lights if your dumb ass plugs them in, if you don't.. guess what! THERE JUST FUCKING GAY. You think I drink too much beer? You try living with you, seewhat the fuck you drink. I use to fucking drink once a week, now I drink 3 times a god damn day to prevent myself from throwing your goddamn dog out the window.

Oh that reminds me, ever heard of dogtraining? I know you fucking never did it, the god damn dog breed house breaks it self. Don't fucking believe me? Check Wikipedia you cunt. You think its cute how it won't bark, it just whines really loud. I think its the fucking worst noise ever created, next to your stupid arrogant bitch voice. You know that doggy door you made ME install because you fucking couldn't understand weather stripping and silicon seal? Guess what, it fucking blows. It just makes it about 400 times easier to fucking rob us. Now, not only does our slidingglass door lock NOT FUCKING WORK, there is a god damn 14 inch by 8inch HOLE they can fucking reach in through. That little plastic cover does SHIT to stop it. I FUCKING SHOWED YOU. So your idea was to use a wood shelf to wedge the god damn door close was it? Good idea, EXCEPT for the fucking HOLE in the DOOR because of YOUR DOG.

Remember that one time you sent me the wrong text bitching about how I always short you for money? Maybe I should start splitting the rent so that you actually pay more then half. You do fucking live in the master room. Why did you need to live there again?? You have more clothes? I've only ever see you wear the same fucking 8 shirts and 5 pants. What the FUCK is the rest for?! And by the way, giving you 80$ for a bill that's 81.23$ isn't shorting you.It would be shorting you if you fucking accepted visa and I could charge that much. But you don't, you want cash. Who the fuck carries 1.23$ in there pocket?! NO ONE. Take the fucking 80$ and let me buy you a god damn double cheese burger in exchange. Jesus fuck. You cheap cunt.

Last thing, you know those two stupid ass water jugs you ALWAYS keep in the fridge? THERE NOT YOURS. We fill them back up with the water from the fountain. THE WATER WE PAY FOR. So you have two jugs, ONE OF THEM SHOULD BE MINE. So if I fucking want to drink OUT OF IT because refilling the TINY ass cups you keep is a HUGE fucking annoyance, then you can go to hell.

The guy who drinks "All the time" and always "shorts you on bills", Fucking Mad as Hell at the Bitch in OV.

P.S. I fucking moved in with a girl because they were suppose to be cleaner and calmer. What the fuck happened to you? And if you callme a woman infront of anyone ever again, I will fucking kill that bitchy ass dog of yours.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Hustling Dick

Dear Roommate,

Stop sleeping on the fucking couch in your underwear. I've already asked you to SLEEP IN YOUR FUCKING BED. It wouldn't be so bad if you hadn't of told me that you quit your full time job to have sex for money. The fact that you think I believe women pay YOU for sex is insulting. Please, I know you suck dick; you also left your email open on my computer. It was really nice reading about all the men who want to jizz all over you, and then finding you 'napping' in my bed. Also, clean up the fucking bathroom, when you piss on the seat wipe it off and stop leaving your cum scraper on the counter. Seriously. Oh yeah and one more thing, stop using my fucking phone to arrange your 'work'.

This Dick's Got Tits

Dear Roommate,

1. A shower every other day, normal. not once a week.2. Why do you brush your teeth while in the shower???(for the warmwater... cuz it comes outta the faucet)3. You left your dishes on the side of the sink for a week and a half.My family came that weekend, and yours but still it took you untilsunday (dirty since LAST thursday)
* This is getting to the good part *Yes, I do it too. When I am fixing my hair, i may drop some hair onthe ground. You see the difference is that ... I PICK UP AFTER MYSELF.Dont even try to say its my hair. I have short wavy black hair, youhave long, straight brown hair, no difference. And i know it is hardfor you do, but you lied and said you like to clean. I have not seenit yet. and your over 18, and are FULLY capable of washing your ownclothes. stop taking them home to your parents.
Did your parents ever teach you that when you go out into public, youshould cover your boobs so you dont look like a hoe? Oh .. Wellwonderful rommie of mine I am here to tell you to cover your tits(which are too big and nasty for all our good). i have 2 of my own tolook at. Fat + leggings + low-cut tops = me holding back from throwingand callin you a skanky wanna be hoe.
P.s.~~I'm buying you a broom for christmas.
P.P.s ~~ I disinfect the room as much as I can, I dont like dirty people... YOU
Look at the 2d picture. Our room looks like there is a shedding dogliving in there. Oh, its you.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


A Brisbane darts club manager was bashed to death after throwing a bonsai plant at his flatmate, a court has heard. Beenleigh Darts Association head Philip James McMillan, 51, died of a heart attack on the floor of his Woodridge unit on March 22 last year. Doctors concluded his death was likely triggered by a violent row with troubled youngster Darren William Dwyer, a part-time barman at the club who also shared Mr McMillan's home. Dwyer, 23, was jailed today for 10 years after he admitted to punching and kicking his former boss several times in the head in response to having an imitation bonsai plant and a bottle of scotch thrown at him.
Despite knocking him unconscious with severe head and facial injuries, Dwyer waited more than an hour to call an ambulance. "It wasn't as though he punched the person and left," Crown prosecutor David Meredith said over the callous nature of the attack. "He stayed even when he knew they were incapacitated. It was a conscious decision (not to call for help)."
The court heard Dwyer had returned home late from a drinking session with a friend and had begun playing music that reminded him of his former girlfriend when Mr McMillan, who was also heavily intoxicated, told him to "move on". He also criticised him about being too drunk to go to work. The pair argued and when the friend left, Dwyer claims Mr McMillan became aggressive.
As well as Mr McMillan's manslaughter, Dwyer also pleaded guilty today to assaulting an threateneing a woman with a knife, hitting a neighbour in his car while doing burn-outs and driving while disqualified.
He must serve at least 80 per cent of his 10-year jail term and will be declared a serious violent offender.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

DICK OF THE WEEK!!! The Projecting Dick

Dear Roommate,

You know, most freshmen would leave their war vet roommate alone but not you. I like how you decided to drink a bottle of mouthwash and proceed down to the dorm front desk to projectile vomit all over the place. I guess since I ignored your constant requests for alcohol, in only makes sense you told the EMTs and campus security that I gave you beer and thats what made you sick. I really appreciated getting hauled down to the campus police station in the middle of the night and sitting in a room for three hours until they contacted the hospital and learned just how insanely stupid you are. Special Dick points for campus security making me walk through a cold rainstorm and in shorts to get back to my room. Oh son, I can't wait for you to get out of the hospital...I'm gonna beat the stupid out of you!!  

Where's Wal-Dick?

Dear Roommate,

This is why I don't want to live with you anymore. If this picture isn't self-explanatory, then you're a hopeless dick.

Can you find the cat in this picture?

Recipe for Disaster

Dear Roommate,

You added with booze and a dash of coke. Mix that with some late night mail sorting. Stir it all together and you have, SHREDDING OUR ELECTRIC BILL and MY CREDIT CARD BILL

Stop doing drugs and cleaning the house!

Monday, November 12, 2007

That's One Hard Dick

Dear Roommate,

So I had a horrible nights sleep last night. My heart was racing, I had hot flashes...and I was mysteriously kept awake by a raging erection. Remind me to never split an "adderol" with you EVER again. I know we were trashed on Saturday night, but how the fu*k could you get those two mixed up?! If I find out you did it on purpose you're dead!! Why do you even have those anyways?!

P.S I rubbed it out like four times last night - didn't go down. 

A Roommate Lint-ching

Dear Roommate, 

It took me a while to figure out why our dryer wasn't working so well.  It just never dawned on me that my roommate was too fu*king retarded to know that a lint screen needs to be cleaned between loads. How about driving home and letting your mom do it for you. She's been paying your rent the last 3 months anyways, whats one more favor you worthless dick!   

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