Dear Roommate,
I truly cannot thank you enough for the call I received from “Alex in Kappa Sig” explaining how you were in dire need of assistance, forcing me take a $60 Uber back to campus during the best Mardi Gras parade.
After placing your ass directly on the toilet per your request, you truly iced the cake by dropping this fat deuce. I never thought you could be this shitty. I was wrong.
Eat more Raisin Bran before you shit where I shower!
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