Monday, October 30, 2017
This Roommate Don't Give a Shit
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 9:35 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
A Psycho-tic Roommate
Dear creepy 50 year-old roommate,
I'm not your mommy. Stop telling me that you like it when I wear skirts and wear my hair a certain way, both like your dead mother did. Lots of women wear skirts and yes, I need a new haircut asap, but I'm not your mommy, you creep. And no, my food is not disgusting because it's not like your dead mother's. You're just a creep.
Get a therapist,
Your moving-out-asap-and-before-
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 12:57 PM 3 comments
Friday, July 25, 2014
DICK OF THE WEEK!!! A Possessive Dick
Dear Roommate,
OK, I get it...the red bull and margarita mix is MINE, and the rest is YOURS. You don't have to be a dick about it.
Posted by hi at 12:20 PM 30 comments
Good, Good, Vibrations
Dear Roommate,
Oh my god! Oh my god! What were you possibly thinking?? Did it really seem alright for you to clean "that" in there. You are a filthy human being. You're buying us all new plates and silverware!! I mean...FILTHY!!
Posted by hi at 12:00 PM 33 comments
Smokey the Bear says your roommate is a dick
Posted by hi at 4:30 AM 6 comments
Dick Diesel
Posted by hi at 4:30 AM 9 comments
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
DICK ROOMMATE HALL OF FAME: An Untidy Whitey
Posted by hi at 12:30 PM 7 comments
A "BOUNTY" OF DICKS
Dear (soon to be) Ex-Roommate,
There's a certain amount of laziness that I can deal with. Dishes in the sink… fine. Forgetting to replace the toilet paper… it happens. Even leaving your moldy food in the fridge… it was pushed all the way in the back. But what I cannot and will not stand for is the complete lack of consideration for others as well as the blatant disregard for what is known as common human decency! Who does this?!!! If I had to choose something to sum up our entire relationship as friends and roommates, it would have to be this photograph. You knew it was wrong yet you continued to tear and tear even though you could have gone back at any moment to remedy the situation. Good luck in your new apartment and your new life. Just know that I won't be there to straighten out your messes any longer.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 12:26 PM 2 comments
A "trying to get you assaulted by random foreign guy" Dick
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 12:15 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Saturday, August 10, 2013
FAKE FARTING DICK
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 6:34 PM 0 comments
DIVORCED DICKS
Dear Roommates:
The two of you have turned into the utterly lazy drunks since your wedding October 2012. Which is when you also stopped living like roommates and started living like two dirty hamsters in a cage and when approached about the situation you ignored your other roommates requests about cleaning up after yourselves. We got sick of cleaning up after you, and caring for you like children. So this is what has become of your living area in the upstairs portion of the house we share. I hope your happy with your selves. Oh and we recently found out that your sleeping in separate rooms, I guess divorce is in the future? Congrats!
Sincerely,
Your (soon to be ex) roommates
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 6:24 PM 3 comments
Monday, July 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Bedroom Borrowing Dick
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:24 AM 2 comments
Thursday, March 1, 2012
DICK ROOMMATE HALL OF FAME: Surprisingly the one with the cock isn't the dick
Posted by hi at 9:50 AM 28 comments
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
A DICK SHOE-MATE
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 9:41 AM 4 comments
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Dick, Where's My Car?!
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 12:10 PM 7 comments
A Dick-Poster
(Thank God you aren't actually a ROOMmate... I'd rather live in the streets than sharing a ROOM with you!)
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:57 AM 4 comments
Monday, February 27, 2012
A De-Caffeinated Dick!
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 9:51 PM 3 comments
DICK-ERINE
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:18 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The Dick Cave
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 10:18 AM 3 comments
Monday, August 9, 2010
A Crappy DIck
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:44 PM 6 comments
Vincent Van Dick
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:31 PM 8 comments
Monday, August 2, 2010
This Dick Needs A Kennel
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 4:01 PM 4 comments
A Crazy, Controlling, Pyscho, Bitch Ass, DICK!
I overlooked the fact that you are a psycho bitch, and that your fiance is shady and self-absorbed, because me and my boyfriend couldn't make rent on our own and you were a pretty fun 'friend' to party with back in college. Not only do you verbally abuse my boyfriend and treat your fiance like crap in front of us (which is embarrassing for everyone), you act like you are queen of the townhouse and we are merely peasants compared to you! After your last princess-esque meltdown directed towards me and my boyfriend over ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKING OVER AND SPILLING YOUR CHEAP VODKA COOLER, I'd had enough and left the house for a few days to get away from you. Now you are trying to break the lease and leave me and my boyfriend on the streets??? The fact that you are acting like we 'did you wrong' and you need to get on with your life is BULLSHIT! You are in for a rude awakening because the law is on our side and you and your fiance can't just bounce on the lease. Also, if you keep this up, I'll tell your family the REAL and much more sordid reason you dropped out of college. Is screwing over me and my boyfriend worth being ex-communicated by your family once and for all; the only people that ACTUALLY like you (because they have to, though they have kicked you out enough times - which is why we are living together by the way!)??? Sure, shame on me for agreeing to live with you knowing full well how you can be. Shame on me again for picking up after you and your fiance and looking the other way when you break the house rules that YOU set in regards to pretty much everything!
You know what? Lets break this down a little:
YOU:
-Verbally and mentally abusive to everyone in the house
-Physically abusive TO YOUR OWN FIANCE!
-Think its ok to take out your anger on EVERYONE!
-Lock out me and my boyfriend ON A REGULAR BASIS
-Don't do any housework
-Think screaming at the top of your lungs "because it feels good to scream" is acceptable (even after noise complaints)
-Make your fiance pay for your ENTIRE share of rent and cable (even though you make just as much as him)
-Act like we have to completely bend to your will or we are "doing you wrong"
-Are a blatant and open racist towards our multi-cultural neighbors
-Two words: Control FREAK!
-Seem to be PROUD of the fact you are a psycho bitch and get mad at US for "not understanding"
ME:
-I had enough of you and left without saying goodbye for a few days which upset you...leading you to try to put me and my boyfriend out on the streets.
Guess what princess...KARMA IS A BITCH!!! Everything is going to catch up with you and then I'll be laughing. The fact that you are pretty is only going to get you by for so long until people can't forgive your ugly insides anymore; then you will be left in the dust! Even your fiance will get tired of your crap and leave you, heck, he already did once...who says he wont again?! Look around sweetie: I was your only friend left! I am NOT conceded enough to think you'll never make another friend in your life, but I can say with confidence you will NEVER have another good friend who unconditionally loves you and always have your back like I did...nobody did before me, so shame on ME for being so foolish!
I hope you don't go through with trying to break our lease because I NEED you right now. But I also hope that several months from now when the lease is expired and me and my boyfriend have enough money to live on our own, that I NEVER SEE YOUR CRAZY CONTROLLING PSYCHO BITCH ASS again!
From your FORMERLY caring and understanding roommate :-)
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 3:58 PM 11 comments
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Fat Dick on a Little Bike...
Dear Roommate,
I find it awesome how everyone in the fucking house pays for your share of the rent. Never mind that you have a perfectly good (PAID FOR) car but decided that instead of paying rent, a new motorcycle would be better. Oh, and we all realized the shit you were pulling whenever one day we gave you money to pay the $200 overdue cable bill (overdue because your lazy ass never bothered to tell us about the bills that were piling up) and our cable still got shut off but miraculously, your cell phone bill and motorcycle payment got made on the same day. And we couldn't believe you had the balls to ask us for ANOTHER $200 for "the rest of what we owed the cable company". We are sick of your broke ass, and we are sick of you telling stupid "he-said-she-said" lies about all of us to the others behind our backs to pit us against each other for the fun of it. We aren't your goddamned entertainment, so stop making shit up to make us fight. None of us even believes you anymore. We hate your loud-ass bitchy girlfriend that acts like she's better than everyone, and we are sick of you inviting fucking rude high school tramps over, you pedophile pervert. You are 24 years old! That is sick!! Stop walking around the house in your underwear with 4 inches of your fat crack hanging out and GTFO of our house!!!
Sincerely,
Your roommates who up to this point, have had saintly patience.
P.S. Included is not a picture of you, but a picture of what you look like on that stupid motorcycle.
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:17 PM 1 comments
A Fair and Balanced Dick
Dear Roommate,
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:14 PM 2 comments
The Three Dick-Migos
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 7:13 PM 7 comments
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A Greasy Dick
Dear Roommate, You are seriously disgusting. I’m glad that you overheard my friend saying that you smelled because ever since you’ve actually showered daily instead of once a week. Your hair is still a gross mess and looks like you wash your hair with vegetable oil its so greasy. You’re so rude to all of my friends and you think that its ok to stick your nose up at people when they walk by. Your ex knows that you cheated on him- twice. He hates you almost as much as I do. The best part is that you think that he would do anything for you. I’m surprised he hasn’t shoved peanut butter in your face to kill you. I find it hilarious that you own so many different body washes but you constantly smell like ass because you never wear deodorant because you “don’t sweat” and in the “off chance that [you] do” because it “doesn’t smell”. Newsflash- you literally smell like ass. I seriously love that we have not spoken in six days. This has been the most amazing six days of my life. Also, please stop spilling Coke underneath the futon- I’m sick of cleaning up your messes when I leave to go home and find a puddle of almost solidified coke on the floor. Take a fucking shower and wash your greasy ass hair, then maybe you’ll be bearable since people can’t fucking stand you and your snooty attitude. Patiently awaiting your slow and painful death, Your Roommate
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 12:52 PM 95 comments
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A DRUNKEN DICK
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 11:43 AM 10 comments
Thursday, June 4, 2009
A Dick That Intimidates
Dear Roommate,
I used to be an atheist but since meeting you I have been forced to believe in
God because you are the fuc*ing devil. In the unfortunate year I have lived with
your ass, you have threatened to kill me, threatened to burn down our house,
threatened to steal all of my shit (a lot of which you have stolen), threatened
to sleep with my boyfriend and threatened to move out (at LEAST 6 times.)
Important here is the word "threatened" because your bitch ass would never do
any of these things; especially the last, because even though your parents pay
your rent (because you are unemployed and have failed out of two colleges) your own parents have refused to let you move back in with them. They'd rather pay to keep you away.
By the way, I've been lying about how much our rent is every month. Figured your mom and dad could spare the extra $50. The way I see it, it covers all of the cleaning I have to do to make this house bearable. The smell that comes from your room has actually made me throw up. Twice.
Exhibit A: Our bathroom sink, the day after I cleaned the bathroom.
Thanks bitch,
Your roommate
Posted by thekeatsstarshow at 5:02 PM 7 comments