Disrespectful Dick

Dear Roommate,

You got away with making the kitchen filthy to the point that I bought my own fridge for my room. I didn't mind you blasting WoW at all hours of the night, or having LAN parties that leave the place reeking of old chicken and BO. You did, however, cross a line when you BARGED in on my girlfriend and me and started screaming about disrespect like a goddamn ape. That line was bent over and violated when you refused to make good on that incident, and tried to raise the rent by $250. Whenever you decide to BARGE into my room for the rent, you'll be greeted with a couple little gifts from me. I wish I could be there to receive your thanks, but I'll be in California, finding myself a future. Enjoy your WoW, and sleeping alone on an air mattress on your 28th birthday.