Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate (or wombmate since you can't say R's)
Please stop being a thief. Now that you have left with a new bike, jersey, 2x pants, rugby socks, washing basket, iPod, tennis raquet, untold numbers of Mitch's T shirts, nike shoes and possibly a guitar tuner, please stop stealing stuff!
When you pulled a bit off your car and threw it away and then the door didn't stay closed we thought you were just random. When mitch asked for his shirt back after you said you'd give it back, and then you said you lost it, we thought it was funny enough to let it slide. But then you took so much other stuff when you went back to your home country, we have decided you are not a good friend!
September and November payments to the flat bank account were pretty much optional so thats okay that you missed them. And because you don't pay towards the upkeep of the flat you aren't allowed to do any cleaning. Dont you dare do any! You already cleaned the toilet once back in June, that is more than enough, Bucko!
The landlord and a representative from the city council both want money from you as well.
Good luck with being a policeman in your home country.
Dear Roommate,
When I find the person that thought it was funny to give my cat a fu*kin Xanax, I’m gonna give him an $800 ass whoopin!!! I know it was one of your high friends who would take it up the ass for some weed and pills. I can’t believe I would leave you alone with my cat long enough for me to go to wal-mart let alone to the beach with my family. Did you even feed him while I was gone…anything besides pills, that is?!! If you don’t turn over the person that led to me gettin an $800 vet bill, I’m gonna kick your ass…again, you fu*kin pussy!
PS: You need to pack your shit and get out!
PSS: We’re breaking up!!!
PSS: I cleaned out the litter box goodies and baked you a treat. I hope you enjoyed those oatmeal cookies, you hungry bitch!!!!
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Thanks for starting to deal drugs again. I really love tons of strangers and old dudes coming into our house at all hours, especially since you can't hear them pounding on the door and I constantly have to get it.
Dear Roommate,
It fu*kin pisses me off when I go home for Thanksgiving break, and I come back to find that you have completely destroyed the couch with some kind of sh*t stain. I'm not worried about the fact that the apartment was clean when I left, but how the hell did that damn cooch smelling stain get all up and down the side of the couch like that.....FU*KING FREAK!!!.....I knew yo girl was dirty, I told you several times, yet you refuse to listen. I'm calling the cleaners and your fu*kin paying for it........
P.S: My Grandma saw the damn couch and started crying because that's the couch my grandpa died on..........she gave us the couch and you defiled it with yo nasty ho-bag.......you inconsiderate fu*k!!!
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
You wanna know why I do sh*t like throw your things into a huge pile at the bottom of the stairs? It's because you're a disgusting pig and I happened to be having people over. I know you think you're clever and maybe getting "revenge" by going into my room and writing all over my dry-erase board, but all I do is laugh at your ass cause you clearly have no clue HOW TO SPELL!!
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
It's November in Wisconsin, not nuclear winter in Siberia. There's no reason to turn the thermostat up to 90 degrees unless you're dying in your bedroom or something. And if you are, go to the fucking hospital and pay your own damn bill!
Sincerely,
The Person Who Puts on Socks and Sweaters When She Gets Cold, You Stupid, Lazy Dick.
Dear Roommate,
Having that first girlfriend is a rememberable event in one's life. Especially if that first girlfriend let's you f*ck her on the first date. I'm happy for you. Truly. But f*cking her like clockwork at 6:45 AM every f*cking day, including Saturdays and Sundays for the past 3 f*cking weeks when I'm in the f*cking room is a bit f*cking ridiculous. Could you at least wait until I take a shower? Or put a gag over her f$cking mouth so I don't wake up. Hopefully you've been inspecting those condoms a little closer lately! I'm guessing you'll start to cut down once she starts "showing." HAHA...suck it bitch!
Dear Roommate,
Just wanted to say THANKS! I really enjoyed coming back into town to find cigarette butts in my room, things in my bathroom broken, half of my food eaten, and let’s not forget the new Spraypaint theme on our walls. Cool man…cool.
Dear Roommate,
A Brisbane darts club manager was bashed to death after throwing a bonsai plant at his flatmate, a court has heard. Beenleigh Darts Association head Philip James McMillan, 51, died of a heart attack on the floor of his Woodridge unit on March 22 last year. Doctors concluded his death was likely triggered by a violent row with troubled youngster Darren William Dwyer, a part-time barman at the club who also shared Mr McMillan's home. Dwyer, 23, was jailed today for 10 years after he admitted to punching and kicking his former boss several times in the head in response to having an imitation bonsai plant and a bottle of scotch thrown at him.
Despite knocking him unconscious with severe head and facial injuries, Dwyer waited more than an hour to call an ambulance. "It wasn't as though he punched the person and left," Crown prosecutor David Meredith said over the callous nature of the attack. "He stayed even when he knew they were incapacitated. It was a conscious decision (not to call for help)."
The court heard Dwyer had returned home late from a drinking session with a friend and had begun playing music that reminded him of his former girlfriend when Mr McMillan, who was also heavily intoxicated, told him to "move on". He also criticised him about being too drunk to go to work. The pair argued and when the friend left, Dwyer claims Mr McMillan became aggressive.
As well as Mr McMillan's manslaughter, Dwyer also pleaded guilty today to assaulting an threateneing a woman with a knife, hitting a neighbour in his car while doing burn-outs and driving while disqualified.
He must serve at least 80 per cent of his 10-year jail term and will be declared a serious violent offender.
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
This is why I don't want to live with you anymore. If this picture isn't self-explanatory, then you're a hopeless dick.
P.S.
Can you find the cat in this picture?
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Dicks Beware!! This was in the news today...
A roommate fight over a power bill ended with one roommate, a female University student, being arrested by ACC Police and charged with battery.
Elyse McGregor told police she was arguing with her roommate about a power bill and became very angry, yelling and slamming doors. The roommate told police their other roommate stepped between them and McGregor attacked by punching, then clawing at her face.
Management told police they will seek to evict McGregor because she also has a boyfriend living with her who is not on the lease.
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Dear Roommate,
Yes, you might make a lot of money selling your weed, but after one of your 'buddies' got arrested for sexual assault i think its time to stop bringing over people that make me feel like I'm in the ghetto. Your plea's that your going to stop having sex with every guy that looks your way is starting to sound like a broken record and frankly, I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. But go ahead, hang your hippie bead from the doorways and buy those shagadelic rugs to put on the walls, because YOU, my stoner sexahaulic hippie roommate, are a DICK!!!!!
Dear Roommates,
Dear Roommate,
You got your period! Congrats! You’re officially a woman! Now could you please stop leaving your blood-residue streaked towels in the bathroom? No one wants to see that shit!
With Love and Midol,
Roomie
Dear Roommate,
I don't give a f*ck if you're on strike or not, you're not bringing your "movement" into our apartment. Start cleaning this place up!! You should have plenty of time now.
Dear Roommate,
